


If it was meant to be, it would be...

by Perfectdream



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Denial, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Questioning, Secret Crush, Sexuality Crisis, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:14:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perfectdream/pseuds/Perfectdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why what?", he answered, his hand sliding in his sister's, a moment of surprise. He wasnt used to hold a hand smaller than his. Eleanor's was the same size and Harry's engulfed his. He wanted Harry, needed him beside him but he couldn't call him.</p>
<p>"Why did you tell her yes, Lou?", Lottie whispered, lifting her head to watch the bedroom around her. There was traces  everywhere, pieces of moments shared between her brother and Harry. She had known Harry all her life, the first time he came to their house, she was only four years old. All her memories included Harry in a way or another.</p>
<p>[Louis finds himself questioning his sexuality when he starts having feelings for Harry. But he has been dating Eleanor for over a year and he agreed to go to the Christmas Ball with her. He used to go only with Harry... ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	If it was meant to be, it would be...

**Author's Note:**

> I know this chapter isn't good but I hope you'll stay around for the end of this new story :)

«  **Darling, are you listening to me ?**  », Eleanor asked, her eyebrow arched when her boyfriend didn't answer.

 

To tell the truth, no, Louis wasn't listening. Not at all. He was so lost in his questions and his doubts that he didn't even take the trouble to feign caring about his girlfriend who was endlessly speaking for no reason. She was filling the silence that Louis didn't fear. He liked silence, calm, the few seconds in which Harry wasn't filling all the cells of his body and each cell of his brain. Why couldn't it stop thinking about him?! Not even for a second?!

 

For the last five years in which he had know the other boy, not even once had he been victim of this sort of thoughts. Not once. Why Harry? Why now? Was it his smile, his curls or his tender and generous heart that got the better of him? Something must have changed. Something must have create this reaction; because, let's be honest, Louis shouldn't be spending his days and nights haunted by another boy's face. One of his friends. His best friend. 

 

So, no, he wasn't listening because in his ears resonated the laugh, Harry's slow and deep voice and Eleanor's voice wasn't enough to cover his frantic heartbeats.

 

“  **I was thinking that this year we should go to the Christmas Ball together, as it is our last year. What do you think?** ”, she asked again.

 

Louis put his hand on hers, squeezing it lightly. He didn't know what she was talking about, didn't have a clue, and if he was honest, didn't care at all. The Christmas Ball was his moment with Harry, has always been. They laughed, danced, drank and went home to one or the other's house. Even when Louis was dating Eleanor, he had refused to go with her : it was his and Harry's ritual and it was not negotiable. But this year was their last and he didn't know how to handle the fact he was thinking differently about Harry. What if Harry learned about it? If Eleanor learned it? He wasn't gay, never has been ! So why those thoughts? He couldn't go to the Ball with Harry or he might do something silly. 

 

He squeezed the girl's hand again, a little harder, and smiled. 

 

“ **Yes, if you want, El.** ”, he finally answered. Eleanor smiled at him pressing herself to his arm. He'd like to be happy about the gesture and the decision he just made. But he wasn't. 

 

“ **I love you, Louis.** ”, she whispered, shyly. Without facing her, he murmured back : “ **I love you too.** ”.

 

Which name did he want to pronounce after those words? He didn't know. He couldn't love two persons ! He couldn't think about Harry this way. Everything had to end now. 

 

 

** […] **

 

 

Louis was supposed to meet Harry at the end of the day, to walk home together like they always did. His heart was tight at this idea. Everything they had always done left him an unpleasant feeling now, like he was soiling their friendship. Nobody could ever find out, and, however, those feelings needed to stop. But he could keep his heart from beating frantically, nor his eyes to search for Harry in the crowd of students coming out of the school. He had said goodbye to Eleanor earlier in the afternoon, not wanting to kiss her in front of Harry. Recently, being with El in front of Harry was making him ill at ease, like he was cheating on Eleanor and Harry at the same time, even though he hadn't done anything with Harry, even though he didn't want to. His feelings were purely platonic, but he knew it was more than normal friendship and it shouldn't be like that. Louis wasn't gay, for nobody, and he was very in love with his girlfriend. Everybody knew it, and he knew it too. It was fine this way. 

 

“ **Hey, Lou** ”, whispered Harry's soft and warm voice, warming up Louis to the core, lighting a blaze in his chest. But it was normal, he felt that with all of his friends. Harry was his best friend, it was normal that a wave of affection came to him every time he was with him. No problem. No reason to panic.

 

“ **Hey, Haz.** ”

 

Harry's smile lit up the space around him and Louis couldn't hold back his. He could never stay numb or cold with Harry's smile. Only because he was his best friend, sure!

 

“ **El's not with you?** ”, Harry asked, looking around them to find the young girl, Louis only shrugged. 

 

“ **No, she went on her own.** ”.

 

Eleanor always walked a part of the road with them on Mondays, because her mother couldn't pick her up. But Louis found a way to let her know he would go home later on so she had to go on her own. It wasn't true. He was going home at the same time as always, with Harry. He simply didn't want to bother with Eleanor this day. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that he regretted telling her he would go to the Ball with her, and not with Harry. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that he didn't want to show any affection to anyone else in front of Harry. It was normal to want to spend time with his best friend, even if they spent their evenings together, doing their homework or simply lay around in their bedrooms. His friends did that too, Louis shouldn't feel bad for wanting to spend time with Harry instead of Eleanor. It wasn't due to his weird feelings. 

 

“ **Oh, alright.** ”, Harry smiled again. “ **Are we going then?** ”, Louis nodded and they started walking, listening to Harry's soft and warm and endless babbles. But, this time, Louis was listening very carefuly to each word leaving his best friend's mouth. Unconsciously, every fiber of his being was careful about Harry. 

 

“ **Could you help me for the math homework? I know you're the best at it but I didn't understand today's lesson and I have an exercise due tomorrow. Do you want to go to mine? So you could stay and eat with us? Or even sleep? Even though it's a week day, maybe your mom would let you? And there's a new episode of this TV show that you like. What is it called? Maybe your mom would let you stay? What do you think?** ”, Harry asked without breathing. 

 

“ **Yeah, I'll call her if you want.** ”, Louis answered. 

 

Louis' voice was soft, full of affection, like every time he spoke to Harry. He really wanted to sleep at Harry's but he wasn't sure it was a good idea. What if Harry discovered something? However he couldn't say no to Harry, he couldn't say no to an evening spent together, watching a TV show, pressed to each other under Harry's cozy blanket. His heart was hurting at the idea because he shouldn't enjoy so much pressing himself to his best friend. The smile which lit up Harry's face was worth all the questions and doubts that Louis might go through again after this evening. He could spend an evening with his best friend without feeling like he was deceiving Harry, or his girlfriend and without feeling guilty. Everything was going to be alright and Harry will stay his best friend. 

 

“ **Cool !** ”, Harry whispered, wrapping his arm around Louis' shoulders. And Louis' heart didn't break at the touch and he didn't fight the urge to violently untangle himself from his best friend to keep him from noticing his red cheeks. Everything was fine. He was in love with his girlfriend, he wasn't in love with Harry. Not at all. 

 

 

 

** […] **

 

 

After an hour explaining to Harry how to find a numerical sequence and how to calculate its value, Louis sighed in relief. He just finished his explication, bent near his best friend's face and he didn't feel the need to kiss him or smell his odor. Not more than usual that is. 

 

“ **I was thinking...** ”, Harry started with a tender smile while he was putting his books and notebooks back in his backpack for tomorrow. Louis couldn't understand how Harry could be so organized whereas he let himself be surprised opening his backpack to see if something was missing or not. It had happened to him to open his bag to find that he didn't have any books or pencils. He should probably do the same as his best friend. Probably. 

 

“ **Don't, Haz, you're gonna get a headache.** ”, Louis whispered, tapping the curly-haired's thigh with his foot. Lying on the other boy's comfy bed, Louis watched all his moves. All his breathings. He saw him roll his eyes too. 

 

“ **So...** ”, Harry added, “ **For the Christmas Ball, we're still going together, aren't we?** ”, he asked and Louis stopped breathing. 

 

Was it an ambush? Did Eleanor tell him that they were supposed to go together? It seemed unlikely because, even is she quite liked Harry, she didn't spend a lot of time with him and why would she tell the world that Louis was taking her to the Ball?!

 

“ **Yes, sure, Haz. We're going together since freshman year. Unless you want to go with someone else?** ”, Louis asked without meeting his best friend's gaze. Harry put his bag on his desk chair and sat on the bed, against Louis' side and put his head on his chest, his hand on his stomach. 

 

Louis had to listen closely to hear Harry's answer : “ **Of course not! I want to go with you, Lou.** ”. Was it just an illusion from his mind or was Harry's voice sweeter when he pronounced this sentence?! 

 

No. It wasn't. He was making things up. His hormones and the lack of sleep made him hear and believe things that weren't real. That's all. 

 

“ **I'm knackered, do you mind if we sleep now?** ”, Louis asked in order to not answer, to not take the risk of saying something that would be a problem. Harry stood up and nodded before taking off his jeans and then took place in the bed, under the covers. Louis held his breathe for a few seconds. He had seen his best friend half naked – and even totally naked- a lot of times, he needed to calm down !

 

He walked to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and took off his clothes to then put a pajama pant on and a shirt before joining the other boy under the covers. They had slept together for years, what was going on?! Harry had always been beautiful, it wasn't a discovery. The fact that he had lost his baby fat over the summer and that he now had a lean and muscled torso shouldn't make a difference. But it made one ! A really big one. Louis had always thought of his best friend like a little brother for the biggest part of their friendship and now... now he thought of him like a boy he liked. Who he would have liked if he liked boys. But he didn't. Did he?

 

No. Eleanor had been his girlfriend for over a year, he was in love with her. She was sweet, nice and beautiful. What more could he want? She was the perfect girl and maybe they'd get married and would have kids in a few years time. He wasn't attracted to Harry. 

 

So, why was it so difficult to slip under the covers with him knowing that his best friend loved to sleep pressed to him? Normally Harry would turn himself on his left side and Louis would slip himself in his back, wrapping his arms around his belly. They had always slept this way. Why should it change now?!

 

Louis put the cover on his body and slid to his best friend. Harry turned his face towards him with a big tender smile. Louis frowned back and wrapped his arms around the muscly waist. If he closed his eyes and tried hard enough to calm his breathing maybe he'll find his right mind. He had slept a hundred times against this body, there was nothing unusual about it. If he thought about it, he had slept more with Harry than he did with Eleanor. Harry was his best friend, it was normal. It was, wasn't it?

 

Harry fell asleep quickly, wrapped in his best friend's warmth. Where he belonged, in a certain way. Louis hardly found sleep and jumped awake afraid that his morning hard-on would wake Harry up. How could he explain it? Not that it didn't happen before. But not since.... not since he started asking himself all those questions about his relationship with Harry. Everything was complicated ! He sighed and turned his back to Harry, hoping to sleep some more minutes before the alarm rang. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't re-read it so if there are any mistakes left, feel free to tell me ! :) <3
> 
> You can find me here : helloimthecaptainofthisship.tumblr.com


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